synthroid 75 violet

MOTHERHOOD

Apr 30

MOTHERHOOD

So it seems that my declaration of being “Back in the Game!” on my blog didn’t translate to actually posting more, since that was A YEAR AGO! I’m going to declare in this entry that one post a year is acceptable. Great job girl, way to stay in the internet game (trying to keep that positive attitude these days).  

I have not been making personal videos, partially because the idea of putting regular videos of my family out in the world creeps me out, but also because I’ve spent the last year making sketch videos, with some great people at Nickelodeon. What a dream!!! I get to come up with ridiculous ideas about jingle singing girls and dancing sharks (which Katy Perry stole-OBVI) for a living. It’s the best, our team is the best, and it’s the most supportive, coolest writers room I’ve ever been a part of.

I know what you’re thinking…”Hey Ilana, remember when you titled this entry “Motherhood” 165 words ago?” Right.  Well, part of being a mom is keeping your own identity, it may be the hardest part of Motherhood. You have to carve out a way to have personal fulfillment separate from your child even when you are a stay at home mom, which I got to do for a full glorious, really difficult year. It was glorious, because I got to be there every second of every day (and night) to see her grow and learn and take in every ounce of information this planet has to offer. It was difficult because when they say, “it’s the hardest job in the world,” the illusive “they” don’t take into account that it isn’t a job, it’s slave labor. You don’t get paid, you work 24 hours a day, and although you can occasionally leave, you truly have to plan your escape to make it happen. It is hard and thankless, yet somehow there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t sit and wish there was an alternate universe that I could just have my daughter by my side every instant of every day. Full disclosure; those thoughts typically occur when I’m dropping her off at daycare or having a tough work day, but NOT when she’s screaming bloody murder because she wants to put her foot in a bowl of hummus and I just won’t let her. I know… I’m a monster.

There are millions of moms who work only as mothers. And for these mothers I think it’s even more challenging to find the time to be an individual. I mean it’s nearly impossible until the kids are around five, I’d imagine. I can’t say since I’m only two years in, but the list of needs are pretty high at the moment. It doesn’t mean that self care should be ignored or that the person you once were, dreams you carried and the brain in your skull are locked in a coffin somewhere. They’re just in that dark cave, sometimes it’s an underwater cave and you need a flashlight. Be careful, there may be blood sucking bats in the cave, but you’re a ninja, you can kill those mother f*ckers. Sorry, lost my train of thought, as I was saying, YOU exist, so go get em!

Alright, well that’s all for now. See you in a year (maybe sooner). Here’s a video I wrote and co-directed for Nickelodeon…

CLICK HERE

 

 

Back In The Game!

Jan 18

Where have you been, girl?! So it turns out that having a baby is pretty time consuming…who knew? Well, my sweet little peanut is almost ten months old and I’m finally starting to feel like my brain is coming out of retirement. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep, or the whole life change of being responsible for someone else’s life, or just that I constantly smell so bad that I was too embarrassed to put myself out there, but whatever the case, I’m doing it, I’m back to business.

For the past several months I’ve actually slowly been breaking out of the lockdown that is new motherhood and writing for this live sketch show, the CBS diversity showcase. It’s been amazing and terrible all at once. Amazing because the people involved are some old friends and many new as well, but all really wonderful people to work with. Also they let me bring my baby when I can’t find a sitter, which is tricky, but great. Tali, my baby girl, is sort of the mascot of the CBS showcase…I know when I think DIVERSITY on television, I think of a beautiful blond haired, blue-eyed baby.

Anyway, this process, while gratifying, has also been tough because after being in my baby bubble for so long I have definitely gotten rusty. And with all the joys of new motherhood also comes a swell of out of control hormones that can send even the strongest lady into an emotional sinkhole. Combine that with important people telling you the sketch you brought in is a piece of crap and you get a lot of tears and eating of chocolate, but you also get to be a better writer. So there’s that. Okay, I don’t want to blow my wad on this first entry back in a year, so instead I’ll try to continue on this path of getting back to writing, acting, producing, while being an amazing mother to the cutest, greatest baby that ever walked (any day now) the planet.

 

 

Pregnant Brain

Dec 07

If you come to this site regularly and you’ve been wondering where the hell I’ve been for the past few months, I apologize, but I got knocked up and stepped away from the internet for a bit. That’s not entirely true, but I was working full-time and didn’t really have the energy to keep my preggo vlogs going like I promised (sorry). Making a baby is exhausting! Not just the early months morning sickness, but all the research of baby stuff that you need to have, and how to actually give birth, and don’t even get me started on all the time we’ve spent trying to pick a name. My mother just sent me a book of a hundred thousand names! I’m tempted to just open to a page and point and call it a day.

Currently I’m about 6 and 1/2 months pregnant and feeling much better. I’ve cut down my work schedule a bit and am hoping to make some videos and do some writing before little “Gwendivere” (just testing it out. . . no?) arrives. Right now it’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m experiencing what’s known as “insomnia” or “time to read a thousand random posts on babycenter.com.”

If you missed the videos I did about the pleasures of early pregnancy, here they are!

I’m Pregnant!

Knocked Up and SICK!

The Truth About Corn Syrup

Dec 07

Not sure if you’ve seen these actual commercials, but they crack me up. I wanted to post the original here, but it seems the corn syrup marketing geniuses have caught wind of the fact that they are being ridiculed all over the internet, and they have removed them. Too bad. I was curious why they making commercials for high fructose corn syrup at all, and who the hell is funding them? It just seems like an image enhancement…that inevitably goes awry because the fact is that shit is bad for you and making a commercial telling people “your body doesn’t know the difference” and “Corn syrup is good for you in moderation” is bullshit and people are smarter than to believe a friendly looking actor in a corn field. We are all aware that what ever is in that crazy processed mess they put in so much of our food, is causing diabetes and other health problems.

Anyways I made this spoof a little while back, it’s based on the real commercial, just with a couple little twist-a-roos.

The beginning of the commercial I was spoofing is seen in this video that has some nice actual facts about corn syrup.

EMBARRASSING MOM

Jun 18

Lucky for me, my mom was nothing like Mama Carol, but there is something really fun about a mom who’s not afraid to shake her butt in public. I hope to be a nice combination of my mother and Mama Carol someday. Please enjoy Jimmy Fowlie and Ilana Cohn (that’s me!) in this silly little trip to the Santa Monica Pier.

Happy Summer!

May 30

Hey sweet love bugs, thanks for checking in! It’s officially summer and Gina’s just giving a big lump of Jersey news. She’s always got a lot to say and she is certainly not afraid to open her mouth. She’s also not afraid to throw a bunch of cocktails in there. Let me know if you want Gina to report on anything in particular, she’s open to ideas. 

Embarrassing Mama Carol is back!

May 22

Mama Carol and her son Denny had a beautiful Mother’s Day weekend together enjoying Venice beach and all it has to offer. Here they are together at the skate park just doing their thing. Denny only started skating a few weeks ago, but with a little practice and a lot of encouragement from his mom, I’m sure he’ll do great.