So it seems that my declaration of being “Back in the Game!” on my blog didn’t translate to actually posting more, since that was A YEAR AGO! I’m going to declare in this entry that one post a year is acceptable. Great job girl, way to stay in the internet game (trying to keep that positive attitude these days).
I have not been making personal videos, partially because the idea of putting regular videos of my family out in the world creeps me out, but also because I’ve spent the last year making sketch videos, with some great people at Nickelodeon. What a dream!!! I get to come up with ridiculous ideas about jingle singing girls and dancing sharks (which Katy Perry stole-OBVI) for a living. It’s the best, our team is the best, and it’s the most supportive, coolest writers room I’ve ever been a part of.
I know what you’re thinking…”Hey Ilana, remember when you titled this entry “Motherhood” 165 words ago?” Right. Well, part of being a mom is keeping your own identity, it may be the hardest part of Motherhood. You have to carve out a way to have personal fulfillment separate from your child even when you are a stay at home mom, which I got to do for a full glorious, really difficult year. It was glorious, because I got to be there every second of every day (and night) to see her grow and learn and take in every ounce of information this planet has to offer. It was difficult because when they say, “it’s the hardest job in the world,” the illusive “they” don’t take into account that it isn’t a job, it’s slave labor. You don’t get paid, you work 24 hours a day, and although you can occasionally leave, you truly have to plan your escape to make it happen. It is hard and thankless, yet somehow there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t sit and wish there was an alternate universe that I could just have my daughter by my side every instant of every day. Full disclosure; those thoughts typically occur when I’m dropping her off at daycare or having a tough work day, but NOT when she’s screaming bloody murder because she wants to put her foot in a bowl of hummus and I just won’t let her. I know… I’m a monster.
There are millions of moms who work only as mothers. And for these mothers I think it’s even more challenging to find the time to be an individual. I mean it’s nearly impossible until the kids are around five, I’d imagine. I can’t say since I’m only two years in, but the list of needs are pretty high at the moment. It doesn’t mean that self care should be ignored or that the person you once were, dreams you carried and the brain in your skull are locked in a coffin somewhere. They’re just in that dark cave, sometimes it’s an underwater cave and you need a flashlight. Be careful, there may be blood sucking bats in the cave, but you’re a ninja, you can kill those mother f*ckers. Sorry, lost my train of thought, as I was saying, YOU exist, so go get em!
Alright, well that’s all for now. See you in a year (maybe sooner). Here’s a video I wrote and co-directed for Nickelodeon…